FIRST TRIAL

[neverhadafriend]

[Once the investigation begins to wrap up, there's a loud feedback noise as a blue speaker appears from thin air. In a tinny, warbled voice not unlike an announcer in a strip mall:]

Will, uh, the people who've been kidnapped against their will and brought to this terrible place please report to the lobby?

[As you approach the lobby, Genie can be found floating overhead, looking...well, nervous. Once everyone has gathered, he waves his hand, and the floor begins to rumble and shake. Slowly, the compass pattern on the ground begins to come apart, reforming and arranging themselves into a spiral staircase descending down into the ground. It's difficult to tell where it leads just by peering down--it looks like you're going to have to walk down there, yourselves.]

See you all downstairs.

[Genie disappears in a puff of smoke. As you descend the staircase, you'll notice the air growing colder and colder, the club disappearing far above you. Eventually, you reach a pair of metal double doors, each of which has a porthole to allow you to look into the room--although it's difficult to make out many details.

As you push open the doors, a blast of warm air greets you as the bright lights overhead practically blind you. After your eyes adjust, you'll notice that the entire perimeter of the room has been decorated in bamboo or thatch, as if someone had transported a beach-side attraction to an underground bunker. The room itself is circular, with a series of podiums set up in a ring. In the center of the podiums is what looks to be a stage. It looks like the numbers on the podiums correspond to your room numbers.]

So! I'm sure the audience at home knows how this works, but for those who are, um, new to this whole system, I'll lay out the rules. You've gathered the evidence, which means it's time to go over it all and figure out who killed poor Doctor D.

BOY, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHICH ONE OF THESE SUCKERS DESERVES TO BE EXECUTED!

[The new voice comes from above in the form of a metallic squawk, and if you look up, you'll notice that dozens upon dozens of swings and branches hang from the ceiling. Colorful, tropical birds perch above, staring expectantly down at the guests, but their movements seem stiff and inorganic. The bird that spoke up, an orange and yellow conure, leans forward on its perch and leers down at Genie.

Genie clears his throat, ignoring the bird.]

...Oh, yeah. And, um, if you don't vote for the correct culprit, my master said that he'd kill you all. So let's hope you sleuths are good at sniffing out murderers.

[He doesn't seem terribly enthused about it, and doesn't even whip out any funny pop culture references. To be fair, no one would, given the circumstances. The birds, however, begin jabbering among themselves, looking very excited about their newfound entertainment.]

[ TRIAL START! ]

Comments

[prodigalhairess]

[It's sure telling that Rapunzel doesn't even try and excitedly take in this new room; she's still in shock over the sudden death of one of their own, that weird doctor that she really liked. And then, what the genie said...]

Wait, what?! Kill us?? Why!?

[neverhadafriend]

Once someone gets away with murder, I--

[A bird flits down from the ceiling and lands on Genies shoulder, whispering something into his ear. Genie frowns, nodding.]

--okay, apparently I can't disclose that to you right now. I'm sorry, Raps, I really wish I could help you all.

AND IT'S FUN TO WATCH YOU ALL SQUIRM!

[Apparently, that comment is funny enough to cause all of the birds to start cackling wildly. Genie winces.]

Oh, knock if off, ya birdbrains.

[feudalladyshandmaid]

Because he likes watching us squirm.

[Why should Cass have expected anything else?]

[primafacie]

Ah, well. I suppose we'd better solve this then! [She's still kind of irritatingly chipper, but it seems a lot more forced than usual.] Should I start? I, well. Several of you saw, but I found Doctor Doofenshmirtz's [She swallows.] body.

He appeared to have met the wrong end of his latest inator, which ah. [gestures at X-23] exploded glitter everywhere. X-23 and Tadashi would have more information about the body, but I studied the inator itself and I'm afraid I have to ask a terrible question of you all: who amongst us can use magic? I don't believe that Doctor Doofenshmirtz was well-versed in it, but the inator only worked because of magic and I think that might help us, ah. Narrow . . . down . . . our . . . selection . . .

[She's so very not up for this, honestly.]

[neverhadafriend]

[Genie pops his arm off his body and raises it in the air.]

Technically, I can use magic. But I'm your host, and involving myself with a murder would be against the rules.

[prodigalhairess]

[Magic...?]

Um... I used to be able to heal people with magic. [And do a lot of other stuff but she doesn't wanna give people a crash-course in Sundrop and Moonstone powers.] But I lost that power before I came here.

[goldiloxy]

If glitter got everywhere, maybe it's on...whoever did this? [She doesn't sound as nervous about death as she did when talking about the taxidermy room, at least? Maybe because she didn't see the body herself.]

[dannydorito]

Fun fact, twinkletoes, magic and mad science are basically the same thing. Anyone can basically do a little of both by crazy and-or nerdy enough.

[madmadam]

Magic, you say?

[says the purple alligator standing at Mim's podium]

[feudalladyshandmaid]

[Ah, magic....]

I used to be able to use magic, but not anymore. [There's an awkward cough. Does she want to get into the whole Moonstone business now?] I try to stay away from it, actually.

[dannydorito]

[Bill's here, aren't you all lucky? He's got some large rolls of paper tucked under one arm and a large glass of something caffeinated and alcoholic in one hand.]

So far be it from me to point fingers, and I definitely don't want to name names but the robot nerd probably did it. You're welcome.

[He takes a sip of whatever death concoction is in that glass.]

[doofenshmirtz]

[Norm is...actually here, standing where Doofenshmirtz should be. Surprisingly. He turns his head to Bill, vacant smile affixed to his face.]

Haha! I'm not a nerd. My name is Norm!

[tadaishi]

Are you talking about me?

[madmadam]

A robot? How boring. I want to see some blood!

[nobodylikesyouwhen]

[ A bright room is a very bad place to be a brooding teen who has recently gained a liberal dusting of glitter to your entire person, but X-23 is just going to deal with it! After scowling at the birds, anyway.

After taking her place between Sugarplum and... ah, X-23 clears her throat. ]

I looked at his body. The explosion killed him, and I found this in his hand and a picture of a girl in his pocket.

I guess the girl is probably Vanessie, but the note is... weird.

[primafacie]

[Sugarplum just kinda. Leans over to look at the note.]

Well, that's not right at all. He doesn't sound anything like that.

[kuzcospoison]

I... got the chance to poke around for evidence, myself. [Tactfully avoiding bringing up which room he searched, since there's animal kids here.] And uh- here's what I found. Doing that.

[Kronk then places an oil can, a slightly-greasy glove, and a glittery towel on his podium. Subsequently getting glitter on that, too.]

The can's about half full- and, um... the glove and towel looked like whoever brought them into the room was trying to hide 'em, so... they probably mean something.

[primafacie]

Ah! That explains the handprint I found.

[She was, uh. Wondering if someone just had. Greasy hands? Humans might be like that, she doesn't fucking know.]

[dannydorito]

Greasy like machine oil? Hm. HM.

...it was definitely Suits, is what you're saying.

all purpose catherd (+ glitter check?)

[feudalladyshandmaid]

[We're all getting offtrack it seems. You know what this trial really needs? A sharp whistle wailing through the air.]

Okay. Let's go over what we've found so far; Doofenshmirtz died in an explosion and we found a note in his hand that looks like it was probably forged. There was also a oil can, a glove, and a towel covered in glitter found, so those are probably evidence.

[There's points here that need to be connected, just a matter of looking at it correctly.]

Maybe with so much glitter around, we should check and see who has any of it on them.

glitter check

[primafacie]

Yes, I think checking everyone's shoes would be most helpful, since I found footprints in the glitter made afterward.

[bottlerockets]

[Chicken Little has no glitter on him... nor does he have shoes,because of his chicken feet.]

1/2

[dannydorito]

Fine. Fine! You wanna hear me say it, FINE! Sure, maybe I helped the Doc with his stupid wish cannon, and MAYBE it got set off while he was sticking his stupid tufty head down the barrel to check a clog that wasn't there, FINE!

[He came here to attack people? And he was having a good time? Before this?]

But I think you're all forgetting ONE THING-!

2/2

[dannydorito]

...this is all freakin' HILARIOUS. Ha!

[MTB... aborted?]

VOTING

[neverhadafriend]

Well I think it's safe to say who did it at this point, but at least this shouldn't be a hard vote for any of us.

[Each of the podium screens light up to reveal the names of each of the guests names and pictures.]

If you need any help I'll lend a hand.

[halloteen]

I'm just gonna guess that there's no room for conscientious objection on this.

Execution: SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY

[neverhadafriend]

[Genie doesn't even have to hesitate when the votes come in. Bill is immediately picked up by a disembodied blue hand and dragged to the stage like a kitten being carried by the scruff of his neck. The hand deposits him in the center of the stage. As Bill takes a moment to recover, a loud whirring noise can be heard.

In the voice not unlike a WWE announcer, Genie bellows into a microphone:]

NOW, TO FACE THE DEADLY GAUNTLET OF ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION: BILL CIPHER!

[Suddenly, panels on the stage begin flipping over and revealing various instruments of torture--an iron maiden, a wall of fire, a kiddie pool filled with piranhas that leap out of the water and snap at the air. From the ceiling descends a series of automatic gattling guns, a series of swinging axes, and a little white dog that hangs suspended from a rope. It seems like the stage itself is stretching to fit this many obstacles on it.]

IF HE MANAGES TO PASS ALL THE OBSTACLES, THEN BILL WILL CONTINUE TO LIVE--

[An animatronic parrot descends from a wire and lands on Genie's shoulder, cutting him off. He frowns as the parrot squawks an indecipherable amount of words at him.]

What do you mean we can't do that?

[Squawk, squawk, caw-caw.]

We don't have it in the budget?

[The parrot continues to jabber into the Genie's ear, with Genie looking more and more annoyed. Eventually, he shoos the bird off his shoulder and shrugs.]

Sorry, pal. I guess I'll just have to come up with something else.

[A small panel opens from the floor and a mechanical hand holding a comically large blunderbuss pops out. Genie looks startled, glancing between Bill and the gun. Almost desperately, Genie snaps his fingers, causing blindfolds to appear on the children present in the audience.]

Sorry, kids--

[Before he's able to finish his sentence, the hand squeezes the trigger. With an earth-shattering BOOM, the muzzle explodes, blinding everyone at their podiums. When the light fades, Bill is still standing--except now, there's a gigantic, gaping hole in his chest. Those on the far side of the podiums may or may not have been sprayed with a smattering of blood, bone, and viscera. Bill's expression looks shocked as he slowly moves his arm through the hole, as if checking to see if his organs are truly gone.]

Huh. Whaddya know.

[And, just like that, Bill topples over on the stage, blood still leaking from the hole in his chest.

Bill Cipher is dead.

Genie stares at the corpse, then tentatively looks back towards those that remain.]

Uh...tune in next week, I guess?

[The doors to the trial room open automatically. It looks like you all are free to go...for now.]

[doofenshmirtz]

[Norm watches, unable to peel his eyes away--mostly because he's a robot and doesn't have eyelids. His serene grin remains affixed to his face despite the blood and gore that splatters onto his body.]

Wow! That was horrifically scarring and potentially traumatizing! Good thing I'm a robot!

[He laughs.]

Good thing justice was served, eh, folks?